A woman has defended her decision not to invite her maid-of-honour to her bachelorette party.
In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I the A**hole?” Reddit forum, the woman asked if she was wrong for telling her maid-of-honour that she “hated [her] bachelorette party and [was] having another one without her”. The 24-year-old started off the post by explaining that while her sister was the maid-of-honour, her other bridesmaids had planned on organising the bachelorette party.
However, according to the original poster, the planning process didn’t go quite as she expected. “I later found out that my sister excluded everyone else because ‘it should be the MOH [maid-of-honour’s] job,’ and just showed up with a fully booked plan before the others could even start discussing ideas,” she wrote.
She added that while “the whole party was supposed to be a surprise,” she expected to do something she’d enjoy. However, that is not quite how it turned out, with her sister opting for “some sort of spa and planned to get nails done and some face masks”, something the bride-to-be was not particularly keen on.
The woman went on to describe other parts of the event that she wasn’t a fan of. “Afterward we had a private photoshoot with lots of dresses for me,” she continued. “I mean they were gorgeous but not something I’d ever feel comfortable in. We ended it with dinner at a fancy restaurant where she pre-ordered dishes that had meat in it. I’m mostly vegan and she knows that. All of those were cool ideas, and I’m sure many brides would enjoy a bachelorette like that.”
She confessed that while she told her sister that she “hated” the party, she also expressed her appreciation for it, since the sibling “put a lot of effort and money into the day”.
The bride continued her post by revealing that she and her peers ended up planning another party, which “couldn’t have gone better”. However, she said she didn’t invite her sister, which ultimately upset her sibling and the rest of their family.
“We had a medieval dinner at a castle and they booked a cinema where we played video games and drank cocktails the whole day!” she wrote. “But we excluded my sister and now she’s REALLY mad. In fact, my whole family is mad for having a second one and not being grateful for the one my sister planned for me.”
She added that she understands why her sister felt “hurt,” and acknowledged that she felt “horrible” about the situation. She even “considered repaying her [sibling] the money” that was spent on the initial bachelorette party. However, she noted that “she was not apologising for [her] interests”.
“Shouldn’t a bachelorette party be for the bride?” she concluded. “And I was just honest when she asked me if I liked it! Even though I do feel like I’m being an ungrateful a**hole because she clearly put lots of effort into planning the day.”
She shared more details about the second bachelorette party, explaining: “[It] was secretly planned by my friends after my sister told them she had a plan that was fully paid for without considering ideas or opinions from the others.”
“I didn’t call [my sister] to join us because the fight over the first party was a few hours prior, and I knew that she does not understand my interests,” she added. “So I didn’t want her complaining or us fighting.”
The Reddit user later posted a comment to explain how the issue with her sibling was resolved. “We talked and it turns out my sister is jealous because she’s the only one of us siblings not married and her boyfriend is nowhere near proposing. After witnessing four weddings in the last years she wanted to feel like a bride too,” she wrote, seemingly describing the reason why her sister threw the first bachelorette party.
She also said that they “both agreed that would be the best decision” for her sister to step down as maid-of-honour.
The Reddit post has quickly gone viral, as it has more than 7,800 upvotes. In the comments, many readers went on to defend the original poster, as they criticised the sister for planning a party that wasn’t based on the bride-to-be’s interests. Some even went so far as to suggest the woman’s sibling shouldn’t be her maid-of-honour.
“So your sister planned exactly the bachelorette that…your sister would want. Not what you would want,” one wrote. “Your sister seriously does not know what you are into and what you eat? Sounds like she planned it for herself not for you,” another claimed. “She planned it without asking you what you want.”
While one reader offered a potential solution to the issue that could have kept the sister as maid-of-honour.
“Mend things with your sister and parents, keep her in her role, don’t bring it up again, and divert any convos about it initiated by other people with “my sister and friends planned separate parties and they were both so awesome; I feel so loved. Thank you so much for coming to our wedding. [ask personal questions about them],’” the Reddit user told the bride-to-be, before she’d revealed that her sister wasn’t the maid-of-honour anymore. “And act like nothing happened.”
The Independent has contacted the poster for comment.